Do what scares you.
This was last year's unofficial motto, compelled by the desire for change and to see change.
I did several things that scared me. Hey, if I am honest with you, most things 'scare' me, but this was different. This time I felt especially compelled to push myself in a gentle but firm way.
Part of my motivation was to normalize certain actions. My primary defense has often been to hide and what I chose to do pushed me way out in a way that I could not hide. Now that it is normal to be seen, it is no longer as scary.
Among other things I tried out for the worship team at church to play the piano and sing, and I volunteered to teach at my church's women's bible study.
I remember the first time playing the piano I thought to myself 'girl... what are you doing here?' I declined a microphone and just focused on playing. I find it far easier to play well when I am singing.
There was a huge emotional learning curve for me. One, I had to quiet the anxious little voice inside that said 'what are you DOING HERE???' Two, I had never ever played 'with' others before.
I remember some months afterwards the first time I sang into the microphone and dared to allow my voice to be heard (with confidence). There was nothing inherently special about that moment aside from me learning to just give a piece of me for others to see and hear.
Scary stuff.
I actually asked to speak at women's bible study. I felt like I needed to, not because I inherently have anything profound to say, but because I wanted to allow God to show me that I could.
I told myself, that since I am a good writer, how is writing out a bible study any different? I wanted to stick myself out enough to allow God to show me that through him, I can.
I did.
I was SO nervous during my talk. My voice quivered, my heart raced and I think there was some heavy breathing involved.
Again, this was me saying; "okay God, I will stick myself out, please show me how this is going to end."
Scary, heart pounding stuff. I was going against the strongest story which says ' you do not allow yourself to be seen.'
Wait what? HOW do you live your life like that?
Yeah my question exactly. I am so glad that I chose to try. These things are no longer frightening, now they simply are.
The whole theme of the story is believing that God will meet me in my situation and allowing situations which allow this.
What will 2018 be about? I have no idea. Definitely more trust as I continue to stick myself out and do things that scare me.
I know I want to write more. I have a private blog where I write whatever comes to mind. It is very broad without a specific focus so I do not share it.
I have been studying grammar and punctuation because I want to be a better writer.
I know I am not everyone's cup of tea but I am okay with that. I can not be all things to all people, that's not my job! I also understand that reading this may not be your cup of tea and that is okay too.
Some verses to meditate on, which help me with my fear of what others think of me;
'When I was in great pain, I cried out to the Lord. He answered me and set me free. The Lord is with me. I will not be afraid. What can mere men do to me? The Lord is with me. He helps me. I will win the battle over my enemies. ' Psalm 118:5-7 '"I have told you these things, so that you can have peace because of me. In this world you will have trouble. But cheer up! I have won the battle over the world."' John 16:33 nirv
'I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." ' John 16:33 esv
This was last year's unofficial motto, compelled by the desire for change and to see change.
I did several things that scared me. Hey, if I am honest with you, most things 'scare' me, but this was different. This time I felt especially compelled to push myself in a gentle but firm way.
Part of my motivation was to normalize certain actions. My primary defense has often been to hide and what I chose to do pushed me way out in a way that I could not hide. Now that it is normal to be seen, it is no longer as scary.
Among other things I tried out for the worship team at church to play the piano and sing, and I volunteered to teach at my church's women's bible study.
I remember the first time playing the piano I thought to myself 'girl... what are you doing here?' I declined a microphone and just focused on playing. I find it far easier to play well when I am singing.
There was a huge emotional learning curve for me. One, I had to quiet the anxious little voice inside that said 'what are you DOING HERE???' Two, I had never ever played 'with' others before.
I remember some months afterwards the first time I sang into the microphone and dared to allow my voice to be heard (with confidence). There was nothing inherently special about that moment aside from me learning to just give a piece of me for others to see and hear.
Scary stuff.
I actually asked to speak at women's bible study. I felt like I needed to, not because I inherently have anything profound to say, but because I wanted to allow God to show me that I could.
I told myself, that since I am a good writer, how is writing out a bible study any different? I wanted to stick myself out enough to allow God to show me that through him, I can.
I did.
I was SO nervous during my talk. My voice quivered, my heart raced and I think there was some heavy breathing involved.
Again, this was me saying; "okay God, I will stick myself out, please show me how this is going to end."
Scary, heart pounding stuff. I was going against the strongest story which says ' you do not allow yourself to be seen.'
Wait what? HOW do you live your life like that?
Yeah my question exactly. I am so glad that I chose to try. These things are no longer frightening, now they simply are.
The whole theme of the story is believing that God will meet me in my situation and allowing situations which allow this.
What will 2018 be about? I have no idea. Definitely more trust as I continue to stick myself out and do things that scare me.
I know I want to write more. I have a private blog where I write whatever comes to mind. It is very broad without a specific focus so I do not share it.
I have been studying grammar and punctuation because I want to be a better writer.
I know I am not everyone's cup of tea but I am okay with that. I can not be all things to all people, that's not my job! I also understand that reading this may not be your cup of tea and that is okay too.
Some verses to meditate on, which help me with my fear of what others think of me;
'When I was in great pain, I cried out to the Lord. He answered me and set me free. The Lord is with me. I will not be afraid. What can mere men do to me? The Lord is with me. He helps me. I will win the battle over my enemies. ' Psalm 118:5-7 '"I have told you these things, so that you can have peace because of me. In this world you will have trouble. But cheer up! I have won the battle over the world."' John 16:33 nirv
'I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." ' John 16:33 esv
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