God in the darkness
I'm in another miscarriage scare. Limbo...I do not know if little one will stay with me. I had remained fairly stoic in the face of the 3rd loss. Not uncaring just....contemplative and not able to cry outright. Monday we had an inconclusive ultrasound. Measuring 4 days behind. Told there is some wiggle room but they like to see more progress. It felt like the air was knocked out of me... trouble concentrating...I lost hope and held back tears as I got dressed with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. The sinking hopeless feeling surrounded me. In the car I cried...at home I cried. That drowning feeling. The bad nightmare repeating it's self... It's so hard not to live there... in death.. in sadness and hopelessness, friends gave me glimmers of hope. My hope is not in a baby and I struggle so badly with how to pray, but in the words of my counselor we can always ask... The Josh Garrels song....the children's song... in ...